Internal Monologue During Competition

Days before:

Ugh, I have to tan. When do I have time to do that…after practicing, maybe?  Oh, and shave my legs, I guess.  And do my nails.  Why do I do this again? *spray tans self*  Hmm, am I even enough?  Nope, time to spray some more.  Damn it, now I have a huge dark blotch on my arm.  *blots with a tissue*  And now there’s a huge white spot.  Time to spray some more and hope that it all evens out.  I hope no one notices how oddly tan I look tomorrow in the middle of winter… *runs back and forth from bathroom to bedroom, hoping roommate does not pop out while I am mostly nude*

Night before:

Oh right, I guess I should pack.  That’ll be easy, right?  Oh shoot I have laundry to do.  *manages to forget something anyway, despite having been to dozens of competitions before*

Traveling/Arrival:

Woohoo Disney singalong time!  Or passing out time, depending on who else is carpooling.  Practice party time…good lord, it is sweaty in here.  Hmm, those dancers look really good, I wonder if I’ll be competing against them? I hope not.  Lots of cute beginners doing their thing.  Time to run through a few practice rounds and maybe even social dance!

Arrival at hotel, or someone’s apartment or dorm.  No matter what… 3 a.m. rolls around. OMG WHY CAN’T I FALL ASLEEP.   This is a comfy bed yet I am rolling around anyway, even though I have to get up in a few hours.  Why is everyone else asleep but me.  This is the worst.

Morning of:

Freakishly early wakeup time.  Snooze, more sleep time.  Roommates, go back to sleep already.  *struggle to get up in the dark* Wow, I look like a zombie.  Thank god for all the pretty crap I’ll be putting on my face.  Hair first.  *struggle to get a nice ponytail for about 15 minutes while checking the back of my head in a double-mirror setup*  I hate my hair.  This is the worst.  Okay, that’s semi acceptable.  *sprays head with  noxious hairspray cloud*  Time to make it fancy.  *struggles with hairnets and pins and gel, wrestling hair into some sort of ornate sculpture*  Why do I do this instead of a simple bun again?  More hairspray!  Alright, makeup time.  *proceed to put on drag queen level makeup* Fake eyelashes, please cooperate today!  Well, at least I look awake now and ready to go clubbing or something.  At 6 am!  *grabs stuff and waits for everyone else*  Still waiting…some of you are dancing in like 15 minutes and really should have left by now!

At the comp:

Waiting. Waiting. How many freaking rounds of bronze are there?  Waiting.  Waiting.  Munch on breakfast.  Oh, they’re so cute!  Damn, she has better technique than I do.  Newcomer rounds. Huh, I have no idea what they’re doing and I’m pretty sure they don’t either.  Is that kid wearing jeans?  Why.  Oh well, newcomers are adorable anyway.  *cheers on random couples from my team*  Oh crap, we’re dancing soon?!  *runs off to change*  Partner, where are you?  Time to warm up very quickly.  Oh god, I’m going to slip and die on this floor.  Lining up after this event… and of course now my mouth decides to become super parched when there’s no water around.  Oh shoot, have to give my phone to someone who’s competent at recording and knows that you should hold the thing horizontally and use zoom.  Hmm, who haven’t I bothered lately?  *thrusts phone at them* Lining up…oh geez there’s a lot of couples in our event.  What are the chances that they’ll split us up into smaller heats?  Oh, no? I guess we’re all dancing at once. Time to go right now, okay.  Walk briskly and force a smile.  Yay I’m feeling pumped.  Or something.  Wait, you want us to go where now?  Oh, ok.  *music starts*  Alright, I hear the beat…now when are you starting?  Pose pose pose…and…go! Time to look pretty and stuff.  Ugh I always feel awkward during this intro part.  Please let me not fall over.  Whee, looking pretty and stuff.  Oh crap there’s someone in the way and I hope you saw.  Yay for floorcraft!  Now we’re dancing…. *collide* Oops, sorry, random couple.  And I guess we’re doing lead-follow now cause that’s not the routine at all.  Alright.

During jive and quickstep:  Yay, this is fun, right?  30 seconds later… Oh please just make it stop alright.  Why did someone invent this dance?!  This is the worst and I want to die and I never do that conditioning I’m supposed to do.  Look happy look happy ugh!

And now I’m super sweaty and my mouth is all dried out…WHERE IS WATER! Yay it’s over.  Time to catch my breath and wait around impatiently for callbacks.  Hmm, when was the last time I ate today?  Whoops.

Callbacks:  Woohoo we made it! (Alternatively, huh, guess we’re done! Or, oh crap, we have to dance again?!  How is that possible?)

Results:  Lining up, gotta find my team jacket.  Standing with the team…yay clapping for random people I don’t know.  Still clapping.  Time for our event.  Notlastnotlastnotlast.  Woohoo, not last!  (I know, finaling means you’re far from last, in reality.)  Sixth…fifth…still not us…what are we going to get?!  Fourth?  Not bad, yay!  Next event… seventh….sixth….fifth…fourth….third… holy crap!….second….first! No freaking way! Squee! *squish partner and try not to look like an idiot while getting ribbon/whatever from judge*  And… everyone whips out their phones to take pictures.  Selfie time thrown in there as well.  Time to take a team picture.  People keep being missing or not paying attention.  Rando, please be decent at taking pictures.  Obligatory goofy picture!

End of day:

Yes, time to take off some of my makeup, woohoo.  *peels off fake eyelashes*  I’m exhausted and I just want to go hooooome.  Let’s goooo, car!  Why do dance people take forever to go anywhere?  Team dinner, yay!  FOOD.  Better yet, MILKSHAKE.  And of course more dance talk.  This restaurant must hate us because we’re such a big group.  Alright, this was fun and all, but I gotta get home already.  *either drives or passes out promptly*